then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
