sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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