***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
