meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Ladies don't puke and tell
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
