I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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