apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
