Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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