wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize