dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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