mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
