If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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