God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
