The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
