So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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