Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I pour the whiskey from now on
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
