Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
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She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
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It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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