how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
