Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
