Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize