I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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