I think I died a long time ago.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
