Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
