hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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