nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
