your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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