well you can't waste a boner
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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