here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
honey bunches of taint.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
