haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
