When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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