everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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