I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
