the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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