Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
