She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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