know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
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I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
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You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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