I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
