just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
