i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
