I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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