like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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