I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
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It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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