why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
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Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
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They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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