Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
