You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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