Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
