God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
