playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
