i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
and i looked up. we had an audience...
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
