a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
