Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
