yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
