Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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