Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
