16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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