Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
