so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
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It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
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The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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