I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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