i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize