I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
