Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
