i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
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