I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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