one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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