My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
