I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
