There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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