I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
